Tonight, in my light, I finally feel a middle-aged mood.
It's a - both complicated but again pure, both sad yet glad, already but the but again is not resentful mood.
This is a kind of I always not fully know the mood.
At that time, in a decade ago, when the ship to the journey of the last stop. When I was in marseille, France port ashore, the world once how bright look to meet me! I, a small arts graduates, a young woman, is what east with a single warm heart, such as pilgrims in the corridors of museums and galleries, a drawing a picture to see the past, every corner are unwilling to pass. While in school, every exam, every competition, use a thousand times than usual hundredfold, not PinDou strength will get the first oath not to give up. The cold night, in brussel rented pallet studio, countersunk painting I seem to be unexpectedly is a martyr mood.
At that time, my surrounding filled with various beautiful things, each with a different luster, I each kind of love, all want, and be sure to get. ...... .
Ten years of life, I have had different, I already know, worldly beauty is infinite, but eventually all my life, I can get but limited of finite, just a little bit just.
Therefore, since it is so, why not carefully to enjoy my eyes can see the beauty of this - some limited?
Of course, I know that, in another building, or, in a separate rooms, or even, can in partition, on a door outside, I haven't seen the exotic and beautiful, perhaps in my every foot, a step, a door between can meet.
But, I also deeply understand, when I was very great hurry to a barrage of time, that zhang originally already in my sight, originally has quietly appear before me that a picture on the wall, originally had waited me so many years, originally had waited to my coming, originally, originally &etc shall immediately to my heart, instantly become future comfort and happiness of the soft beauty, I will have a turn of the moment, I was forever left behind. So, I just stood still. Maybe it's in this one grey purple, small water lily, perhaps in before another museum, in that miraculous moon light, and cherubic lion light smell the sleeping gypsy format, before that, I stood silently. Before I could get limited sea, I am content to be an infinite dedicated passion audience.
Middle-aged see drawing, unexpectedly see a quiet and self-sufficient mood.
However, "see" painting, exactly is still a dispensable gain, and of life in this a long road, walk to midway, I missed, and moans is only some exotic and some beautiful just?
In life's long road, always meet differences point, whatever I chose that direction, there will always be a direction with me mutually back, that I regret.
At the moment, in my place oneself of this road, and wind day, the eyeful verdant, and I believe, I had if chose another direction, also will have the same sunshine, same of roses. Just because in that first bifurcation, I only can choose a prearranged road, so far, every time after reviewing, he will have a kind of his sad Chou. In my heart, that I couldn't onto the path is every time there, in fuzzy color, to me with a kind of fuzzy expose the sadness.
However, middle-aged mood, is not to optional regret!
Hence, I constantly enrich himself, exercises oneself, tell myself: to understand the world beauty and exotic infinite, quiet, happy, take it, or regret all my choice, all the separation and sacrifice.
Thus, for the moment is now more to cherish up. I think all is I hastily left behind day, for them, I am no longer a repeater. However, for those who will be coming, the immediate this a moment, I still could hold, still can use my whole heart and best to wait, yearning and operation.
I think, however, that in the next day, for all things I cherish there, I should be a kind of easy and earnest manner to treat.
I had thought, as long as seriously thinking, can I put into a middle-aged time wondering glittering and translucent jade, as long as I work hard, life can become very bright and clean and pure and without any defects.
But, I do not know; everywhere in life with such as fan of afff track, even in the middle, some things are still I couldn't explore also not understand more cannot control.
Therefore, I found that people's efforts startled originally is also limited. Ideal still exist, but in every picture in the night, a lot can happen repeatedly tiny trivial mistakes, and I and my ideal slowly off. Looking back the past, life in all the memories can only become a picture of painting, while only fade in my own just know, in my heart, once was such distinct colors!
Facing such a result, I was sad and faint with joy, like surrender to own destiny, like time and tide flush of life.
And as they say: that is all I poetry mood.
Since the poem printed a type later, increasing knowledge or don't know readers to ask me, very directly or very skills to ask me, they want to know, in my poetry in the mood, is true or false? And what can I do to help them?
Monet's that a picture of a grey purple water-lilies, or he painted all the water lily: morning, noon, the evening, a giant of continuous cropping system, or who are those little drawing, what is true or false?
In his paintings, the pool of water lily, and they just drove too delicate and charming appearance, mo draw compared the water lily should be just a lifeless color only. However, the painter in his pictures plus a led him want to stay, he wants to stay beauty, through the big since paragraph that infinite glorious change, he drew a single and a blooming life. ...... And middle-aged mood, is perhaps, kind no longer eagerly to demand answer mood?
Perhaps is being misunderstood, no longer justifications, presented no longer dodge again stabbed the kind of mood. No blame nor especially, only retain a simple hope.
Hope finally could - days, draw a picture to never fade.